How To Talk To Anyone

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships is a self-help book by communication expert and motivational speaker Leil Lowndes. First published in 1998, the book has remained a relevant guide in its genre, specifically focusing on psychology and relationships. Structured into 9 parts with a total of 92 chapters, the book offers actionable, applicable advice to an adult audience looking to enhance interactions—specifically, advice on self-confidence and social strategies. Lowndes employs a straightforward style to make the subject matter accessible, and the book has maintained popularity since 1998.

This guide is based on the 2003 McGraw-Hill e-book edition.

Summary

Employing an informative, practical writing style, How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships explores the art of effective communication and its role in achieving personal and professional success. The book is divided into nine parts, each focusing on different aspects of communication techniques and strategies to navigate social interactions. The overarching theme is that effective communication is key to success, as a multifaceted skill that goes beyond mere intelligence or appearance.

The Introduction establishes the importance of communication in climbing the social and corporate ladder, debunking the notion that luck or circumstances are solely responsible for success. It recognizes the complexity of human communication and emphasizes the need for specific techniques to enhance interactions beyond the classic principles outlined in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936). In Part 1, the book focuses on making positive first impressions and using nonverbal cues. Techniques like “The Flooding Smile,” “Sticky Eyes,” and “Epoxy Eyes” are introduced to establish genuine connections and spark romantic interest. Posture techniques such as “HANG BY YOUR TEETH” and “The Big-Baby Pivot” underscore the significance of projecting confidence and giving undivided attention.

Part 2 delves into starting conversations and engaging in dialogue. The importance of small talk is highlighted, along with techniques like “Make a Mood Match” and “Prosaic with Passion” to enhance communication. The book also advocates enriching introductions by using “Never the Naked Introduction” and “Parroting” to maintain conversational flow. One should avoid sharing negative information too soon and stay informed about current events to always have something interesting to say. Part 3 focuses on navigating social and professional interactions by crafting tailored responses and enhancing vocabulary. Authenticity, sensitivity, and understanding are central themes, as the book’s techniques are meant to create meaningful interactions. Techniques for inquiring about and engaging in talk of occupations are discussed—as well as the power of smiling and the word “you.” Furthermore, Part 3 explores how direct language and empathy, techniques from motivational speaking, can improve conversation. Finally, a technique called “the Broken Record” is introduced for managing intrusive questions.

Part 4 encourages diverse activities to enhance conversational skills. The section starts by advocating for broad knowledge, emphasizing the importance of being a modern-day “Renaissance man” to enrich conversational skills. It then suggests industry-specific questions, meant to make one sound knowledgeable and interested in another’s profession or hobbies; furthermore, identifying and discussing “hot-button” issues related to someone’s profession or hobbies is important. The section also discusses the importance of respecting local customs in international settings, particularly in negotiation scenarios.

Part 5 focuses on building rapport through shared beliefs, experiences, and language. Techniques like mirroring movements and “Echoing”—using a speaker’s language to create familiarity—are introduced. “Potent Imaging” comprises using analogies from a listener’s world, and “full-blown empathizers” enhance active listening. Creating “Private Jokes” or “Instant History” strengthens relationships by fostering a sense of belonging. Overall, these techniques help bridge gaps, foster empathy, and strengthen relationships in various contexts.

Part 6 details the intricacies of compliments. Techniques like “Grapevine Glory”—giving praise through a third party—and “Carrier Pigeon Kudos”—sharing positive traits to create a supportive environment—are introduced. “Implied Magnificence” suggests complimenting through subtle implications, while “Accidental Adulation” incorporates compliments in casual conversations. The concept of a “Killer Compliment,” targeted praise, is also explored, along with strategies for effective delivery. Brief compliments, “Itty-Bitty Boosters” or “Little Strokes,” emphasize the significance of daily validation. The section also emphasizes the crucial timing of compliments, introducing the “Knee-Jerk ‘Wow!’” strategy for immediate acknowledgment. Receiving compliments is addressed through the “Boomerang” technique, and the “Tombstone Game” offers personalized compliments to forge relationships.

Part 7 considers the nuances of phone communication, offering techniques for making calls more engaging and impactful. Tips range from using audible expressions to names. The section also shares etiquette, call-screening methods, and ways to leverage voicemail; other tips include being attentive to background noise and reviewing recorded conversations. Part 8 focuses on networking and related strategies, inspired by politicians and successful individuals who understand the power of making connections. The section advocates for proactive communication, using simple introductions to establish connections. On the other hand, “Eyeball Selling” emphasizes reading nonverbal cues, highlighting the importance of eye contact, body language, and remembering minor details to signal approachability. Strategies for effective follow-up, like note-taking on business cards, are also discussed.

In Part 9, the book explores strategies for effective communication in various contexts. It discusses how to turn minor errors or interruptions into opportunities for building rapport, rather than letting them become barriers; it is important to understand motivations. Techniques for making others willing to reciprocate favors are explored, as are techniques for maintaining professionalism in casual settings. The section emphasizes active listening and emotional resonance as key to impactful interactions. As for specific interactions, strategies are provided for navigating uncomfortable situations and engaging with service personnel. The section also encourages initiating in public settings, as doing so can position one as a leader. The book concludes with strategies designed for various scenarios in social and professional contexts.