Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

Tawwab relays an anecdote about a client named Alex. Growing up with a father who overshared and told her not to keep “secrets” taught Alex to confide in others too quickly (68). Her dad’s critical responses to her thoughts and feelings left Alex feeling unsure of herself, and she learned to seek others’ validation by continually reaching out to them and sharing everything about her life. This “oversharing” was off-putting to her peers, who tried to distance themselves from Alex. The author explains that in her childhood, Alex’s father violated her Intellectual Boundaries by discussing topics that were inappropriate for her to know about, such as her mother’s affair, and disrespected her Emotional Boundaries by being dismissive of her opinions. These violations caused Alex to feel confused about how to build healthy, reciprocal friendships.

The author argues that there are six types of boundaries people should maintain. The first is Physical Boundaries, which she defines as “the perimeter around your body” (68). People’s tolerance for touch and physical affection are highly personal and everyone should communicate their own boundaries with others. Physical boundaries might be disrespected through unwanted affection, abuse, unwanted public displays of affection, or standing too close.