Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

The author relays a story about a couple, James and Tiffany, who had frequent arguments about James's mother, Debra. While James wanted to spend a lot of time with his mother, Tiffany found her mother-in-law overbearing and intrusive.

Tawwab coached James to create boundaries with his mother to protect his wife’s feelings and their privacy as a couple. James found it very difficult to establish boundaries with his mom, but over time was able to stop her from infantilizing him. He also declined to overshare with his mother about his relationship. Tawwab notes that she helped Tiffany become supportive of this process, which was a challenge for her husband.

Tawwab explains that setting boundaries with one’s parents is a sign of maturity and adulthood, since it shows an awareness and concern for one’s own needs. The author claims that the parent-child dynamic can make it especially difficult to set boundaries. Parents are accustomed to having some influence over their children’s lives and most adult children worry about disappointing or alienating their parents. People’s boundaries with their parents may be about maintaining personal space, not being asked personal questions, maintaining privacy about one’s partner, or being able to freely express a differing opinion.