The Beginning of Everything

Content Warning: This novel uses offensive terminology for physical disability, which this section reproduces in direct quotes.

“Toby’s tragedy was the seat he chose on a roller-coaster ride on his twelfth birthday, and ever since, he has lived in the shadow of what happened.”

This quote touches on two points. The first is the randomness of life: Something as simple as the seat you choose can have a significant impact on your life. The second point is that Ezra incorrectly assumes that this event casts a shadow over Toby’s life. As the story unfolds, the reader learns that Toby accepts the “tragedy” and moves on successfully, and it is in fact Ezra’s path that shifts in response to this event. Ezra is the one who “lived in the shadow” of the event.

“I still think that everyone’s life, no matter how unremarkable, has a singular tragic encounter after which everything that really matters will happen. That moment is the catalyst—the first step in the equation.”

This quote encapsulates Ezra’s philosophy about life. He applies it to himself, Cassidy, and Toby, and he believes it is true for everyone. The underlying message is that until a moment of tragedy, life may follow a predictable path, often prescribed by other people’s expectations. It is only when people are forced to make hard life choices that they can fully understand the depth of their true self.

“In the context of a mathematical proof, if something is considered ‘invalid,’ it has been demonstrated through irrefutable logic not to exist. […] The word was fitting for me. I had been Ezra Faulkner, golden boy, but that person no longer existed.”

This quote is taken from Ezra’s musings about who he is before returning to school. He gets “proof” that he is invalid by secretly trying some tennis serves and failing—he conflates the mathematical meaning of the word with the slur used for people with physical disability.